Why Do I Not Know how to Rest?

Updated: Oct 30

In an idyllic world Iwould have rested, but alas it was not the case. Almost as soon as I arrived to Salt Lake City, my brother and i started to demolition his new in-law unit, we were a team. He liked to call us skinny and chunks, working together nonstop, six to, eight hours at a time, communicating which walls needed to come down, asking for help, supporting each other. This was surprising we worked well together.

At the end of the day, we looked down at our scratched up limbs towards our hands admiring their abilities to break down old frames and create new ones. With satisfaction from one end of our lips to the other we congratulated each other with a job well done.

However, my body wasn't used to this kind of work and i needed to rest, yet felt guilty. I wanted to help him every day to create his dream, but I couldn't. Physically drained

and mentally craving to create my dream, it was hard to develop balance. I too wanted to focus on my dream, a life full of emotion, mindfulness, and structure, but life was still unsettled.

My nieces were sent to my room to get me out of bed and give me hugs, my brother would lure me with coffee and breakfast and I would be back at work with him. I asked him when would life would start to feel stable again, but we didn't know.

In between our destruction, the neighbors would come welcome us, bring us snacks, tell us about their lives and their children. During my short breaks, I walk next door to greet and pet the horses and alpacas, letting them know I was their neighbor, that I would help take care of them soon. Staring up at the mountain and ever changing sky, I felt content, but the next day, I was either running around with my brother or trying to create a whole business as quickly as possible.

I was scared I was just going to be aimless.

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